(FYI, there is not a podcast to go with this post)
Lately I understand the work (for me) as recognizing that every last thing, every experience doesn’t just happen for “a reason,” it happens because I need it to happen, and beyond that – I wrote the script.
And if I say it about the trophy ceremonies, the high fives from bosses, angels singing, cookie dough and rainbow moments – then I have to say it about the bracing slaps, the torn ACLs, the stabs in the back from co workers, death, illness, divorce …as well. Bad things don’t happen to good people. Things happen that we need to happen to keep us on our path, and get us where we’re supposed to go.
Yesterday, I was using my beloved Nutribullet to make a green smoothie, and stuffed it as I do every day with things you’re not supposed to put in it – frozen rocks of cucumber and avocado… and mid pulverization, the container blew a hole in it and the green viscous goodness instantly adhered to multiple walls, the floor, my favorite sweater, swamping the Nutribullet base…It was a fucking mess. I switched the power off and froze. This was the moment of truth. After a brief, stunned silence, I forced a little guffaw, a grim chuckle which turned into a genuine laugh, not a carefree giggle (I’m not Mary Poppins am I?), more like a muddy mirth mixed with a sliver of light, distilled into a recognition that this was an opportunity and Freaking out would solve nothing and make it worse. What would examining the why do for me?
Here was my thought process.
- Oh shit, I NEED my Nutribullet.
- Ok, shit – what a gooey mess.
- Really? It’s on the wall in the HALL?
- Ok, so WHY did this happen?
- I’ve gotten away with – for over a year – putting things in it they say not to, but today was the day that you put your foot down.
- Hmm, ok kind of funny that this happened.
- Universe you’ve got my attention.
- What am I supposed to learn?
- What is the pivot here?
- I can buy a new container.
- It’s on the ceiling for fucksake!
- I need my smoothie.
- Will a regular blender work?
- Oh, look – the blender works just fine.
Remember when we used to be able to run and hide? And then we could at least run OR hide. Now, there is not a one of us who can escape the INNER-PERSONAL MESSAGING APP installed while we slept, (or at birth, and activated by the changing magnetics of the planet or whatever…) programmed to stop us in our tracks, illuminate our paths, fill us with awe, drown us in grief, forcing us to reexamine who we are and what we’re doing, with what degree of integrity and to whom, where we’re headed, and how can we be better – ready or not.
Denial, hubris, wealth, power, celebrity are no match for the sequence of events we compiled before we got here, cemented with sacred contracts (as Carolyn Myss would say) that set in motion the domino effect – anything but random – that brings us together to do what me must.
Two and a half years ago when I started the Packing for Crazy Town Podcast as my way of trying to magnetize conversations around Possibility in uncertain times, “synchronicity” was still something that inspired some wonder in people, generally, and now that and other formerly profound concepts are just Tuesday. We are in as much of an energetic candy store as we’ll allow. For example, to discover that divination was merely synchronicity that we MAKE HAPPEN – that’s GOLD. That’s big. That’s freaking USEFUL INFO. THUS…
I’m newly motivated to share the offline learnings of the last year or so of being lifted up, sucked under, and spit out – rinse, repeat, refine (Groundhog’s Day style) because bit by bit, I’m gaining an AWARENESS of HOW to wrangle the available energies such that I’m in a position to thrive in the theatre of the unknown, to win at the new Math Olympics. Like, if someone said, write the Calculus of “If Mommy’s Happy Everybody’s Happy” on the board, I could do that. With my eyes closed.
There are daily demons, oh yes, even moment to moment ones, but increasingly, I know how to talk to them, to marginalize them, hear their siren song as elevator music and shut them down as something I used to do. AND, occasionally when they call at the perfect moment, I’ll go: “Yeah, why AM I working so hard to NOT do things?” Then I’ll lower my shields and let them run all over me which feels AMAZING for between 20 seconds and 3 hours. Then I give myself a stern WTF? And start again.
Clarity is kryptonite to self-sabotage.
It’s not always pretty, but I’ve been vacuuming up spiritual modalities right and left and experimenting daily with how to cultivate opportunities to work with spirit to normalize manifesting experiences that are better than I can imagine.
We are all climbing the same mountain. Adepts and organized mystics with savvy social media skills have left breadcrumbs in every conceivable crack and medium for us to follow, but in the end, it all seems to boil down to this. Set an intention to make time to be still, to breathe, to listen for the cues and call in the etheric go squad. As Rumi says, there are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground. From there, the sky – or the cosmos(?) is the limit. I will listen to anybody, read anything, and try any modality on for size, and while I could listen to a joe Dispenza or Caroline Myss and countless others, including random You Tubing Seekers all day long, what came to me yesterday, on a rainy northwest Saturday, as I picked up a book that had blown my mind a decade ago and thumbed through it…It’s possible to outgrow lessons. The book was “Mind Master Meditations: A Workbook For the “Infinite Mind” by Valerie V. Hunt
As I thumbed through this book that had given me new routes to corral the energies and opened my mind to possibilities, I found myself going: Basic. Hmm, been there, done that, don’t need that, ah good reminder! That one didn’t work, that’s corny, hmm, loved that one, and that one. We take what we need, add it to our spiritual toolkit, and keep moving.
To you rebel seekers, international wizards, and creative forces, I say, if we listen, we are led to the teachings that are like handholds on a rock face, rungs in a ladder – appearing when we need them to keep us moving forward, inward, upward. Nothing new here. But, why I was moved to post was that I’m finding for myself, that as in life where I’ve always been moved to sneak behind the velvet ropes, the same applies to the pre ordained routes for going inward. Thank God for the spells, meditations, visualizations, and rituals that have come before us, but – two years into a meditation practice that began with the meditation app set to 5 minutes, this morning as I set it to 60 minutes, and settled in for my custom descent/ascent using a cobbled together sequence from dozens of modalities, it’s like I’m starting my trek up the mountain with a backpack full of tricks, unlimited material with which to bridge the physical and metaphysical. When the gong sounds, and my whole body is tingling, my brain is floating, and I know I’m in cahoots with a every benevolent energy, ancestor, and spirit allie available to me, I’m positive that whatever happens – exploding appliances, slaps in the face, a life changing email – I’m ready to face every moment knowing that there is a lesson in it for me, that I wrote this script. It’s much easier to roll over, let doubt, shame, guilt, and anger win, but today I choose grace, humor, love, and peace.
#2019goal: go big AND go home
XOS – LMK if this resonates, or share a modality that is helping you level up.